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New Relationships After Loss

by Mary Odbert

Marlene Dunaways’ husband of 42 years died in 2006. She has been recovering and rediscovering herself since. She’s gone through a Yolo Hospice Bereavement support group series, become a hospice volunteer and suggested a new type of support group to Yolo Hospice, “Reinvesting in Relationships after Loss.” This group reflects the new phase in Marlene’s life -- moving forward.

“When you’re married you have someone to discuss things with, fix a leaky faucet, tell you you’re beautiful – it is all goes away when your spouse is gone,” said Marlene. “You’re used to those things, rely on them, and expect the habits and the way of life you had with your spouse – as a couple – to go on. Once you’re widowed, you have to learn to uncouple yourself and find your individual voice.”

Moving forward and discussing moving forward are not easy things to do after the death of a spouse or partner. The emotions are sweeping and individual.

“I have a lot of windowed friends, and we all face some similar issues in deciding how we are going to live our new life without our spouse,” said Marlene.

It is the alone part that is hardest according to Marlene. There is no one to help you through the internal struggles you face in reinventing your life. The need for support during this time is what lead Marlene to discuss a new kind of support group with Denise Rose, MS, CT. Denise lead the Yolo Hospice grief support group Marlene attended a few years ago.

“I completely agreed with Marlene that this new support group is another step in working through grief -- helping people to reinvest in their future,” said Denise. “As experts in bereavement, everyone here at Yolo Hospice feels we are the ideal organization to offer this support group.”

The new support group is for people who have had a spouse or partner die, but want to reinvest in established and new relationships. The group environment allows for support and the discussion of the new life you have following the death of your loved one.

Established relationships can be as emotionally fraught as new ones. The widower or widow is learning to see themselves without their partner. Can friends who are still part of a couple understand or continue to maintain the same relationship with the now single friend?

Questions like, “who am I now that I’m alone?” are profound and a very real issues. What does the rest of my life look like?

“I have some friends who are happy being alone after the loss of their spouse,” said Marlene. “Others would like a new relationship, but don’t know how to go about it or deal with the emotions related to that decision.”

Once you’ve made the decision that you want a new relationship, the emotions don’t end, the grief doesn’t just go away. Thanks to Marlene, Yolo Hospice’s new group can help others work through those new emotions and provide a safe place to discuss concerns, fears, hopes and dreams of those looking forward to new relationships.

The Reinvest in Relationships after Loss groups will be held: Thursdays, May 6–27, 2010 from 10:00 A.M.–12:00 P.M. and Thursdays, June 3–24, 2010 from 6:30–8:30 P.M. at Yolo Hospice in Davis.

There is no charge for participation. Please call Yolo Hospice, Bereavement Services at (800) 491-7711 for more information or to register.

 

 

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Quotes

Ted Skiera
"I've worked for 20+ years in cardiovascular and oncology nursing, most recently working as a nurse coordinator in cardiovascular research. My work with Yolo Hospice has enabled me to focus all of my acute clinical experiences into caring for patients, and their loved ones, during a most challenging period of their lives."
~Ted Skiera, RN