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The Path

by Mary Odbert

Kathleen Hendrix began nursing in a hospital on a unit for medical, surgical and oncology patients. Almost always there were two or three people there just to be treated for pain in their last days and hours.

That’s a hard situation for nurses. Nurses – most medical personnel – are taught and desire to save lives. “With traditional nursing work, it is almost like someone is falling off a cliff, and your job is to pull them back,” described Kathleen. “Simply providing maintenance care while someone is dying is difficult because nursing is about doing or fixing, but my mentor was different. She helped me be comfortable with simply being.”

While other nurses avoided taking on these patients, Kathleen’s mentor, Sharley, would ask to care for them. Sharley was a powerful woman, 6 foot tall and strong, but a gentle person who took her work very seriously.

“I can remember picking up a patient’s head while she turned the pillow so they had a fresh side,” said Kathleen. “There’s so little we could do for these patients. You have to see beyond their physical condition and recognize their need for your simple presence. Sharley taught me that care of these patients was a sacred thing.”

Kathleen knew eventually she’d work in hospice. This was largely because of what Sharley taught her, but also because, before she was a nurse, she struggled with her own father’s decline.

“My father had surgery in November for a brain tumor,” said Kathleen. “He never left the hospital and died in February. I was terrified something would happen while I was visiting so I didn’t go as often as I wanted. As I began to care for patients at the end of life, I realized I wanted to give families what I needed when my father was dying.”

Hospice workers are end-of-life experts who model to families through their openness in talking about dying and death. Hospice educates families so they aren’t afraid to be with their loved ones and they realize it’s about living until you die. At the same time, those who work in hospice are nonjudgmental. It is important for people to be accepting when they work with people who are dying and their families.

“Whatever you understand or believe about the end of life, I got the feeling (during my time with Sharley and the feeling continues now) that these people are on a path. We aren’t there to hurry them along or slow them down, but walk along side them and their families. If there are boulders, we move them aside. If it is dark, we hold a flashlight so they won’t stumble. And it is an honor to do so.”

Now as a hospice nurse, Kathleen explains hospice work through “the path.” Everyone who hears it feels it is a remarkably accurate analogy. It takes courage to walk with people who are dying and their families. Hospice workers do it everyday and help families do it.

 

 

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Quotes

Judy Norton
"Coping with terminal illness is all consuming for patient and family. As a hospice nurse, I feel it is most important to advocate, respect and use the knowledge we have to make the end of life the most comfortable it can be while always keeping in mind the unique needs of each patient."
~Jody Norton, RN